Ask Men

Tips for long lasting relationship

A couple of days back, I had the privilege to meet up and repair a Nurse Manager PC, someone infamous with Helpdesk too. 🙂

As I got to talking with the Sister while busy fiddling with her BSOD error, she told me she has been married for 38 years!! She got married when she was 17. Now, naturally of course I asked her if she had any words of wisdom about what makes a relationship successful for the long-term. And here’s what she said.

1. Trust – This was the first relational aspect the Nurse Manager mentioned. Trust is a leap of faith based on a pattern of consistency and honesty. Without it, the relationship is pretty much doomed.

I guess its pretty much sum it all. I mean, we never truly know what’s going on in
another person’s mind; thus, trusting someone can seem like a leap of faith at times.

She further mentioned that however, if a person’s words and actions consistently match up, then they prove themselves as trustworthy. If your partner has given you no reason to doubt him/her, then don’t. While everyone says you should listen to your instincts, we must remember that uneasiness is not always based on the other person. Sometimes it’s your own insecurity that might have nothing to do with partner.

2. Jealousy – Or, actually, a lack thereof. She (Sister MHW) elaborated that jealousy from time to time is natural, but if you allow it to become a focal point and impair your relationship, then, again, the union could be doomed. But
this is why you need to have trust in your partner and the relationship! You have to believe that your partner will choose to be loyal to you in every way, every single day.

This, I have to agree. Again, if there is no reason to doubt your partner, don’t. Because if you allow your jealousy to spiral out of control, your insecurities, rage, and paranoia will become the centre of your life. Basically, if those three aspects are paramount, then I’m sure any relationship isn’t.

3. Date Night – Extremely important for a couple. Every week or at least a couple times a month, the couple should plan an evening of solitude just for the two of them. This could be dinner and a movie, dancing, playing games together, or planning to cuddle on the couch all night. Whatever it is, the idea is to be together without pressure of family, chores, and daily life.

I completely agree with this sentiment. Some others whom I’ve spoken with though, cautioned that this is not always possible when children are in the picture, especially the first couple of years after a child is born. What say you? Is “date night” still possible with young children, Ida/Anis?

4. Friends – It’s imperative to keep your friends! When we first fall in love and establish a fantastic, healthy union, it’s easy to let everything else fall off your radar, including your friends. Don’t let this happen! As we become more and more established in relationships and create families, it IS often more difficult to carve out time for friends, but you need to make a conscious effort to make them a constant in your life.

She is probably not saying that we have to see our best friend three times a week, but the couple both need to have time to themselves to do their own thing. It’s important to cultivate relationships outside a union. Give each other space to miss one another!

Following these heartfelt conversation, it became clear to me how earnest she is in sharing her knowledge and experience on life and relationship. She’s not that bad afterall !!

I thank her for her kind words and after fixing her PC issue, left the location, silently thanking God for giving me an opportunity to meet up with such kind souls and listen to their life journey, sharing tips with me.

I will love you, always.

9 replies on “Tips for long lasting relationship”

U ask I answer hahaha.

Life is always hectic for the 1st few months of newborns’ life. Especially if both partners are working. You’ll know soon hahahaha.

We do have date nights but now its of a lesser frequency than the last time. There is always this feeling of guilt for leaving the young ones aside, at least for me lah. Sometimes the babysitter is just too fed up with the kids and call us back home early.

Now I learn from my frustrations and leave them aside for my sanity.

i believe all those mentioned are essential in the relationship, be it dari masa matair or dah kawin. only diff if masa lum kawin, dating ajer yg kita tau.

B and i do have date nights. a night to ourselves, just to go makan and enjoy each others’ company. but i will instinctively ask B to go home early sometimes, sbb guilty tinggalkan iffah.

and yes, must meet up with friends. keep yourself on a sane level. married pple need to let loose at times too.

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