The return of the Helpdesk tech support woes, after 5 more months of further compiling since the last update.
1. Don’t write anything down. We can play back the error messages from here.
2. When a tech says he’s coming right over, go for coffee break. It’s nothing to us to remember 4000 screen saver passwords.
3. Don’t put your phone extension in your emails to the helpdesk. We need to keep an eye on the address book performance.
4. When you have a dozen old monitors and computers to get rid of, call computer support. We’re garbage/condemn collectors too. (Note to my colleagues: G/a/m/m/a K/n/i/f/e case)
5. When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete everything in the Windows directory. It’s nothing but trouble anyway. (Note to my colleagues: recent case at McAllister Road)
6. When a helpdesk tells you that onsite will be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: “And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?” That’ll get us going.
7. Don’t use online help. Online help is for wimps.
8. When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past noon, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy. (Note: As told by Sean)
9. When you can’t find someone in the government directory, call tech support. Due to budget restrictions, we double as telephone operators as well.
10. If you curse every morning when you start to type your password and the Virus Shield splash screen pops up in your face, disable the Virus Shield. Again, this is just like real life: if you don’t like condoms, just don’t use them, that’s all.